The quest for the holy phone - or: Why large handbags are a curse

Editor's note: Sometimes real life writes the best stories. 

The quest for the holy phone

or: Why large handbags are a curse

The setting: A four-seat compartment on a commuter train. A guy in a gardening work outfit occupies the window seat, I'm sitting on the aisle seat. In the very last second before the train leaves a young woman enters the train and breathlessly sits down on the window seat across from garden worker and myself. The aisle seat next to her remains free.

A minute into the train ride the young lady suddenly starts rummaging around her gigantic handbag. 'Scheisse, where did I put it?' Then, with a hint of panic in her eyes, she asks the garden worker if she could use his mobile phone. 'I have to call my boyfriend. He needs to look for my smartphone at home! Don't worry, I'll pay you.' 'Sure, here you go,' he says before handing her his beat up old Nokia. The following dialog fragment unfolds:

'Hi Schatz, I need your help. Can you have a look around the apartment and see if you can find my phone?'
'Yes, this is important. I feel naked without it!'
'... no, ringing it won't help. I set it to silent mode'
'Are you sure it's not there? Look under the couch pillows too!'
'Damn it, Ralf, you're useless.'
'I was at Starbucks before getting on the train, why?'
'Oh god, please don't tell me I could have left it there. Can you imagine the shame if someone finds it?'
'You know exactly what I mean. All the texts and photos I sent you for one!'
'No, I never bothered to secure it with a pass code. Why should I?'
'Of course I've looked for it in my bag. Do you think I'm stupid?'
'Ok ok, I'll look in my bag again. It won't be in there though I bet.'

At this point our female protagonist begins to dump the various contents of her ginormous handbag onto the free seat. Make-up utensils, tissues, her wallet, muesli bars and whatnot fill up the seat.

'I told you it's not in the bag! I emptied it onto the seat, to no... oh wait, there it is,' she says with a sheepish look on her face. The garden worker and I are doing our best to stifle our laughter while she practically hugs her Galaxy SIII.

'Yeah yeah, you were right. I'll make up for waking you up tonight. Byeeee honey!'

She looks up, sees us two guys barely able to contain our laughter... and turns beet red. 'Um, er.. thanks for letting me use your phone. How much do I owe you?' 'Don't worry about it.'

At the next stop both the garden worker and the young lady leave the train. The former well amused, the latter still beet red and quite obviously embarrassed. I myself look after them and think to myself:

'And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why large handbags are a curse.'